TITLE: me grieving

The past 5 years of my life have been so very different than I expected, hoped or dreamed. They have been devastating on a personal level to be honest.

During my high school graduation I became very sick with complex post-traumatic stress disorder, triggered by the pressure of performance the system put on us students, but really caused by the long-term abuse of my past.

I had known other psychological sicknesses like depression my whole life, but cPTSD was something else.
My dreams of studying or living abroad shattered, relationships, including family and friends, broken, my faith in God and my own identity very much questioned and communities lost in more abuse... as if my childhood wasn't enough.

This self portrait session in my living room fulfilled a dream of mine; to photograph myself grieving.
I know those were holy and healing tears. Tears acknowledging the losses and suffering, but also facing the devastating pain there was and therein paving a way towards more wholesome relationships.

AUTHOR: Christina Stark (Germany)

Hey, I'm Christina. I'm not that much into describing myself in third person. So, following I want to introduce myself to you as a fellow human being.

I'm a long-term trauma survivor and former foster youth suffering from complex post-traumatic stress disorder. Despite having been dependent on welfare due to my painful story (lack of family support, sickness...), I'm working on my independence as of this year. It's exciting to found my first business and to feel alive in sharing my passions with this world.
I'm also in the legal process of changing my last name to leave behind my family heritage of trauma. I am determined to build wholesome and loving relationships instead of ones that tear down and destroy.

Photography has helped me process my emotions, especially my grief.
I love to stop time with my camera to redirect eyes to the beauty surrounding us, to document circumstances and to capture relationship dynamics.